This past weekend, we had a memorial service inside a rented space called Catalyst Ranch. It’s normally a space reserved for ad agency meetings and weddings. And it was my late brother-in-law’s wish that everyone celebrate in a way that was lively.

I was struck by just the number of people that were there to attend the service. It was not just family, but friends and co-workers who all wanted to not only show support for my sister. But sit in remembrance of the wonderful person, affectionately known as Koz, they had the chance to be in the presence of.

I was approached by the service coordinator, who also officiated my sister’s wedding, because no one had yet volunteered to make a speech. The night before, I couldn’t sleep because I was thinking of what I would say if I was called upon. And here I was, the first person to go in front of a crowd of mostly strangers to speak about the life of someone my sister held dear.

Truthfully, I didn’t spend much time with my sister’s late husband. They began dating seriously around the time my father died and he was there to help support her. But soon after my father’s passing, I left for Los Angeles and only visited on an annual basis for the holidays. But despite that, I knew my role was to give voice to the emotions they were feeling. Because in that room were remnants of John. Materialized in a packed room of people who now carried remnants of him onwards.

THE PRESSURE OF LEGACY

In American life, thanks to the foundation of White supremacy, we are conditioned that joy only comes through winning. And winning is when we are at the top of a metaphorical mountain having crushed everyone else beneath us. The only worthy people are those who either helped us ascend or are on the same level as we are. This toxicity is ingrained in the entertainment industry. We chase winning and envy the success of others. Each accomplishment never truly enjoyed.

Because we are focused on the endless pursuit of “more”.

They say that now is the worst time to be a filmmaker. Because the old ways of navigating the industry are almost gone.

But what if they were never really that great to begin with?

Maybe it’s time that an industry built upon greed and ego to fade away. Now, we have a new opportunity to build real community around our art form. To see the people we work with as real collaborators. Not members of a hierarchy. To share the art with a wider audience and shine a spotlight on everyone. And to use our voices and talents to have real impact beyond just the box office.

With the film I’m making, I’m prioritizing community over ambition. We have had the opportunity to break our model and spring for a higher level of talent. But we have thus far avoided making that decision. Because it doesn’t feel fair to everyone else. And by actually valuing the opinions of everyone else, it shows that we are trying to grow as filmmakers.

In the past, we might have leapt at the opportunity. But we are not just thinking about ourselves. But our team and the kind of imprint we want to have on the future.

Standing in that memorial space, with a crowd so large that most were standing, solidified my perspective on how important it is to be good to other people. A story my sister told, was that Koz was always helping the elderly. They cherished his kindness and a few even followed him when he changed work locations to be in his presence. Everyone in the room, nodded in recognition. Although they never heard the story before, they knew it to be true.

For filmmakers, it’s how you interact with everyone else that will be your legacy. The old way was to grind everyone for the sake of a vision. But the new way is to build people up to do their best work. So when that fateful day comes, that truth of you is what will live on and inspire another to live the same way.

Legacy is built through action and not accomplishments.

CREATE RELATIONSHIPS

Wherever you are at in your filmmaker journey. Focus on creating relationships, real ones that exist without transaction. It’s those relationships that will help you make the films you want and find a way to survive in what is a very tough business to navigate. If someone is working on a project, sit down and talk with them. Ask them where they want to go and see how you can help. And vice versa, tell people where you want to head and so they keep that in their minds. Talk to them about life beyond just the work.

Learn about them, celebrate their achievements and be present.

We all have projects we want to make. But when you have the right kind of people around, they tend to get made a lot faster. It’s like the universe itself sees the energy between people and just starts ushering it forwards.

My hope is that with the massive shifts changing in the industry. It becomes smaller in the best way. People get to know each other more and become support systems. We tell stories about real people and think about what impact we want to have. That the money comes for the right reasons and everyone will benefit.

I will continue my commitment to being there for the people in my life and living in a genuine manner. Creating stories about impact and gathering as many voices as I can to tear down these systems of oppression we are living in. It might not achieve the glamorous and sexy outcomes that we are conditioned to work towards. But it’s the one that will put a smile on my face as I reflect back on during my later years.

These thoughts have been living in the space between loss and possibility in my mind. I hope they find resonance in yours.